She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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