you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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