Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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