I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I didn't notice because vodka
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
