I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
