So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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