Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
