Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
