Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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