in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
