2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
