waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
did i walk over a car last night?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
