No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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