There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
