He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
