A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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