Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You were trust falling into bushes
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
