either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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