I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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