I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
