I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize