Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
