drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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