It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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