I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
