I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
