i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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