The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
