I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
