Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's official drugs can't kill me
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize