The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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