Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
