I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
