why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
