your parents love me but you hate me
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
