Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you would pick up someone in the library
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
