i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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