yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
