69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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