i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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