So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
