It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
