the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
