there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize