bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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