So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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