bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
