He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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