She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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