Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
grandma shit on top of the toilet
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
