Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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