After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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