hotel room ftw
how can u be prego again
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
