I can tuck mytits in my pants
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
