bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
