You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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