My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
