You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize