Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
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