I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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