I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
