Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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