6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
