Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
