hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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