Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
