I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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