i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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