what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
