Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
