allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
