Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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