He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
