We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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