You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize