i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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