I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
