She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
