My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
