Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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