you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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