i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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