morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
