This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
