he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
