ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
