I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
