Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
