I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
