I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
