My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
